Feeling Like an Ancient Ruin

I’ve never felt so old in my life. And I say that as someone who has felt old since I was born. But last night at the Nelly, Eve, and Ja Rule concert I attended? That hit different.

I proudly set up camp on the venue’s lawn with my misting fan, while my sister shielded us from the evening sun with an umbrella. My skin was already slathered in SPF like we were going to the beach at noon, not a concert at 7:30.

As the crowd started trickling in, I looked around and thought: What are these old people doing at a concert featuring songs that were popular when I was in high school????

And then it hit me.

I’m the same age as everyone here. I am the old people.

But what really pushed me over the existential edge was the group of what appeared to be actual children—teenagers—gathered behind us in droves on the lawn. They were drinking and vaping. They didn’t seem to know the music and their primary focus was socializing, which I’m not judging, but it hit me: Are these kids the children of our generation?!?? Shit.

What cracked me up was watching my generation still getting low. I mean, really committing. Knees, hips, and lower backs be damned. For some reason, I had expected the vibe to feel more like something of my parents’ generation — at an Eagles concert, for example—calm, nostalgic, foot-tapping. But the sounds of our youth? They make you forget you have bad knees. Twenty-five years later, and we still can’t sit still when Ja Rule growls on “Can I Get A….”

It was a beautiful night though. And as I walked back to my car early to get a head start on the crowd to avoid traffic, all I could think about was how excited I was to go home, do my nighttime skincare routine, and take my progesterone supplements.

So if you’re reading this and relate:

Take your fiber gummies and stretch.